some time we find ourself standing on way where we need to clarify our own presence to world. I hide any mistake that I made that I thought would anger my family. I didn’t set boundaries, because I feared that I would lose them if I did so. I sacrificed my needs in my efforts to please my family I was so terrified of losing my job, that I also became unable to establish boundaries there. I would offer to do more than I was capable of doing, leading to repercussions and more promises that I couldn’t keep. I became an outcast, because I was afraid of forming relationships with my friends and people I meet a run up My mind was constantly in fear, and I found myself resorting to addictive behaviors in order to soothe it. I drank in the evenings, I overate, I spent more time online than talking to people in real life. I became clingy to anyone would provide me with attention, validation, and understanding, because I could not give these things to myself. Of course, I was terrified of losing my friends and my clinginess nearly always drove them away.My mind was a wild horse, running freely and recklessly in the blind terror of being imprisoned by walls it couldn’t understand what it needs besides I m going to time of life where my own mistake taking revenge,I doesn’t feel shame for it but still although my support system is quit amazing ya I know that I coming out of my comfort zone to save my soul, its not hard for me like the way I m its quite not easy to sustain in surrounding where everyone is damn comfortable with things they do and I m freak among them ,naïve in everything trying to be like them but its impossible for to be social and giggle ,laugh make jokes ,can’t keep friendship for very long get going becouse most of the time I m just sitting and moping and at the age 22 year and trying to get over from bad dream doesn’t seem right I got take things slow, I need to take advices from my friends circle and In fact is that I m trying to sneak into my best friends circle, its not easy to be friendly with them becoz. I have build invisible wall that just in only people I want and I m not so friendly to go and open up.who am i lieing i m still prefered to introvert .do prefer to stay in my imaginary world .
Being stuck ,bad kid ,and hating my self-more for my past Because everyone has different experiences, needs, and expectations, no one will see the world just as i do. I remember figuring this out when ,I was trying to help others understand how they was hurting me. When I confronted to most of them , I chose my words carefully, I did not let emotion overwhelm my words, and I focused just on my feelings and not on attacking there character. I was as articulate and concise as I could be . I remember being proud of myself with how well I expressed my experiences, and then noticing that there was no new understanding in there eyes. Nothing I said had stuck. I knew they loved me and would move mountains if they thought it would benefit my quality of life, but they could not hear me when I tried to seek there help. That was when I realized that there was no magic word or phrase that would unlock the mental wall/barriers they had that kept them from understanding my perspective. I can’t make someone think or feel what I want them to think or feel.